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                  寂寞,是一種惶恐

                  推薦人:無題 來源: 愛散文 時間: 2017-12-25 11:10 閱讀:

                    事實上一個安靜慣了的人,也會在某一瞬間害怕寂寞。寂寞,此時,不再那么隱秘,難以啟齒。那種感覺在頃刻間像洪水襲來,由不得你的竭力遏制。你看,窗外陽光正好,街上人來人往,看上去這薄涼的初秋并沒有與其它季節不同。只是天更高遠了,云彩更稀薄了。我像個老人一樣感嘆著季節輪轉的微妙變化,在安靜的屋子里,思緒無比混亂。

                    我不知道我為什么要打開電腦,不知道為什么會認真的坐在這里,認真的敲出每一個字。大概是太寂寞了吧!我想。用寂寞最為合適,因為我并未曾感覺有半點孤獨——有家人有朋友,他們該在我身邊的都在我身邊,我可以隨時知道他們的信息,知道他們在我想知道的時間里都在忙些什么……

                    只是,當我對著窗戶不知所措時,當我拿起手機翻看通訊錄時,我卻不知道,應該把這通電話打給誰……我又該怎么講述這樣一份百感交集連自己都形容不出來的感覺呢?這不是寂寞又是什么呢?我想,心靈寂寞了太久,久到麻木,沒有了靈氣。所以,在它像平常一樣唱著小曲兒悠悠而來時,心里才會變得如此慌亂不堪。

                    音樂響起,陌生又熟悉。好似常常縈繞在耳,又似多年未遇。有多久沒有被一首曲子打動了?有多久沒有被一部作品感動到落淚了?我向自己追問著這些時間,而時間卻模糊了我的記憶。一個人的天馬行空,從大西洋飄到香格里拉,又從香格里拉飄到神秘的昆侖山脈,從一望無際的草原到開滿鮮花的小徑,靈魂走過了無數道路,翻越無數山峰,跨過無數河海,最終又回到了終點——我正坐在的桌子前。

                    寂寞是一種惶恐,像迷失的小鹿四處狂奔卻找不到方向,像邪惡的黑暗之神從四面八方包圍上你;像,一片落下的葉子飄到了河流的夾縫中…… 渴望被救贖,只是心內吶喊的聲音洪亮卻無人聽到。你只得再去低頭,再去尋找,再次在絕望中微笑。你渴望媽媽能在回來的路上尋到你,渴望天際剎時一道光芒照亮那些黑暗,渴望水流的再急些,再大些,把你重新放歸河流,緩緩地,自由地漂下去,再無遮擋,再無黑暗,再無迷失。

                    多想放縱余生,像梁山好漢般講究大碗喝酒,大口吃肉;像詩仙的詩中那樣狂放不羈,像偉人的詞中那樣瀟灑豪邁;像,那個看不見的另一個自己致意……音樂循環往復,彌漫心際,心內的悲壯亦未曾停止。似乎這樣的寂寞只適合一個人懂:“桃花塢里桃花庵,桃花庵下桃花仙。桃花仙人種桃樹,又摘桃花換酒錢……”罷了,罷了!你且把盞言歡——一杯敬自由,一杯敬遠方。

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